I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
