arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
