I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
