Cold hands, warm shart.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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