I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
