It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
