Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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