you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
