About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
