My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
