Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have fence marks all over my body
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
