The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
