If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
