Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
