and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
