Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
