I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
