I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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