I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
