Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
