You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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