When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
