So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
