The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
