Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
