mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
