He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Even my vagina gasped.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
