I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
MIDGETS
????
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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