i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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