he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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