Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
