i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
