yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
