doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
