dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
