A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
