The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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