Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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