It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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