Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
