Screwed.edu
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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