i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
