Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
