The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
