talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
