If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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