New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
