Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
People in love make me want to vomit
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
