life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
