nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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