More tranny stories later!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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